You know you are a single mom when...

• You are ready to call it a day at 8:30am
• You really feel like telling your kid that she can hunt for her own food at lunch
• You are tired of hearing, “you look really tired today” 
• But then you smile politely and say, “this IS how I look”
• From the moment your kid wakes up, you wait eagerly for her bedtime
• Shower times can play with your mind. You don’t want it to end (for either kid or you) but stress out thinking of the water bill next month
• Every morning you tell yourself you will go to bed early tonight
• But you never go to bed till midnight because that is the ONLY time you will get to yourself
  You use that very precious time very constructively, and instead of preparing lunch for the next day, you get caught up on Devious Maids and Mistresses (remember, kid can hunt for own food at school?)
• You find yourself constantly making lists
• You are incapable of taking naps (IF the moment ever arose) 
• You live in constant fear of forgetting something very important
• Your kid is the only child in school to wear the same dress to picture day as the previous year
• The person you want MOST in your life is a live-in maid who can also do your hair every morning
• Wine is your biggest expense
• You don’t read books anymore - they are too taxing for your brain
• You do not have the space for other people’s shit
• You stop watching the news, chemical weapons don’t seem to a big problem anymore
• Every free moment you get, you find yourself in the grocery store or scrubbing something
• The only time you might be able to go out on a date would be Saturday brunch
• But you would look too tired for that
• And your date might mistake you for a bear because you have not had time to shave (just be glad I shower every day)
• Or he might think this is the first time you’ve been to a restaurant because you are more interested in the dining experience than him
• And then he will dump you on that first date realizing he cannot afford your wine bill
• Did I already mention that wine is your biggest expense?