Every single day I teach you to become more and more
independent. Mainly because I think you need these skills to do well in life.
Every night as part of that process, I encourage and most times force you to
sleep on your own bed, and tell you, you are not alone, you have your glow pets
and princess dolls to give you company. I tell you that all other kids your age
sleep this way and you should be like one of them. Deep down, I want you in my
bed, and even though I don’t sleep well with all your kicking, I sleep better
than when you are not in bed with me.
You turned 7 today, and while I said my goodbyes at school,
I realized very soon you won’t need me to drop you off at school. You won’t
need those last minute hugs and kisses and most definitely will prefer to hang
out with your friends than with your mommy. I look around at the other kids who
couldn’t care less if their parents were in the room, and even though there are
moments I am jealous that those kids are so hands off, I know you are special
and cherish each of those moments you don’t want to let go of me.
This past year I’ve seen you work very hard, both at home
and at school. I’ve felt your struggles to fit in socially, to try and perform
in ways that is expected out of you. I
have experienced your transformation every single day and all I can say is I am
very proud of you.
I am also very sorry, because I wish you lived in a world
that was less judgmental, that did not require you to be a certain way. Which
is why it was absolutely phenomenal to see you at school this morning wearing
the outfit you had picked for your special day. It was a complete disaster –
but it was YOU. And even though my first reaction was that of shock and a need
to tell the world I had nothing to do with it, I couldn’t help but see how
happy you were, and laugh about whatever other people might be thinking of the
way you were dressed in school today. I did not have my camera with me, but
this image will never leave my memory.
I know I am your hardest critic and push you every single
day to be a well-behaved girl. But what I don’t tell you more often that it is
okay to let go and be yourself and pursue things you love in any way or form. Today,
on your birthday, I promise to do that more - to listen to your heart and mine, to value your opinions
and personality, and to thrive in the glory of who you are and who you are meant
to be.
That’s what being your mother is all about and I want to cherish ALL our moments together.
